Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

Thought it would be fun to share some of our favorite recipes for Crhistmas.
Here is my wife's favorite. The cookies taste like crap, but for some reason, my wife insists on making them every year.
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl,Check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Step aside the mixerer and use power drill if screwsdiver gets stuck in beaters.
Snapple the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, snift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet.
Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table and spoon.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally,Throw the bowl out the window,Open the window
Finish the Cose Juervo andMake sure to put the stove in the wishdasher."